STOP doing these 3 things:
Isn’t it frustrating when you are talking to someone and they are looking at their phone, texting someone or responding to an email and they say…
“Uh hun...go ahead I’m listening”....
(Honestly, I hate it when this happens and I usually just stop talking until they are done texting / emailing or whatever they are doing.)
It’s like, no you are not listening. Just Stop!
Here are the 3 things you should STOP doing when listening and trying to build relationships.
- STOP interrupting: The person is not even done with what they are saying and you are already bulldozing right into the conversation and totally changing the direction of the conversation and they did not get to tell you the rest. Just Stop! Let them finish.
- STOP thinking about what YOU are going to say next: This one is big one. We are always so worried about trying to solve the problem or trying to have the answer ASAP. It will be a lot less pressure on you if you just go into it with no thoughts and just listen. Your response to them afterwards will be more honest and genuine, because you will have had time to hear what they had to say and process it.
- STOP looking at your phone / texting / or any other place that is not the person that is speaking in that moment. (This seems obvious, but we do it all time.) This is a big one as mentioned above. It’s a clear sign through body language that what you are doing on your phone is more important than the person that is speaking. Unless it is an emergency or you tell the person, please hold that thought, I want to hear everything, I just need to answer this important call, just stop!
Because it’s rude, it shows a lack of respect for the other person and it shows that you are not really listening to them. It does not help to build relationships, it does not build trust and ultimately hurts any type of progress you are trying to make.
Instead DO THIS:
- Bring your full attention to the other person. Let go of any thoughts. Don’t think of anything, just bring your full attention to the other person.
- Be quiet the ENTIRE time and until the other person is done with what they are saying: If you don’t say anything and allow the person to share, they will most likely share more things with you. By sharing more with you, the other person feels more comfortable and you are getting to know them on a much deeper level.
- Acknowledge through body language that you are intently listening to the other person. (Lean in, nod your head, say one word like, oh, ok, ahh, nice, etc. You know how to do this).
Because the person will feel respected, they will feel valued, appreciated and they will open up to you even more. You will ultimately build trust with this person and deepen your relationships. Guaranteed. If you don’t believe me, try for yourself.
Here’s the thing. We often do not have the patience to sit there and really listen to someone because it takes time and who’s got time? We are all busy trying to do whatever we are doing and the last thing we have time for is to really sit and listen to someone. Honestly, it’s probably not as long as you think it is. It’s really your mind fooling you into thinking that sitting there for 1 -2 min to listen to someone else is FOREVER long. Ignore that self-talk and just listen.
Let’s be honest. You and I both know that we get really mad when people do not listen to us, right? It’s really frustrating. I know for me I get “moud” mad and loud at the same time when someone doesn’t listen to me, especially if it's something that I am really struggling with something.
Can we just take a few minutes and just give our full attention to the person who is speaking?
At the end of the day we all just want to be HEARD.